“Do you have a no farting in the kitchen rule?”

There is but one unspoken rule I always do my best to maintain, and that is: there shall be only one person in the kitchen at any given time. While there are times when dishes are being washed that something can be thrown away without any real hassle, the kitchen is simply too small. The whole area is too small, the entrance is too small, and having even two people in it trying to move around is likely to trigger claustrophobia in those who suffer from it.

As for farting: it happens, but we don’t speak of it.

With care,

~ Grigori

“Regulations don’t exist, what’s the dream home?”

Having given it a great deal of thought, I’ve concluded that I don’t know what my dream home looks like. I can, however, describe aspects of it, which I will do now.

One key element is that it will be near the beach. On the beach would be a lovely idea, but impractical and probably dangerous. The only real possibility there is to have a house near the beach and a smaller cottage-like thing set up on the beach as a second home, kind of like Hawaii is for America. That would have simple arrangements and décor. Lots of white, for one, reflecting the easy-going vibes of Pajaro Dunes, which I used to visit as a child and loved.

To the main house, though: at least two floors. I have been in but a small handful of homes featuring two floors and I have envied them always. There would have to be many rooms, each one dedicated to something specific. A music room would be there with all my records and some sensible posters, like the autographed ones from Evanescence and Jinjer. It could look like a record store, and maybe it’s a long room where the record store transforms into a recording studio featuring all my instruments. That, of course, would be of the utmost necessity. Now that I think of it, the library holding all my books could transform into a study. The movies would probably have to be kept separate from the theater, though. Never mind the feasibility. I don’t care for the aesthetic. Then again, maybe the idea will grow on me by the time any of this comes to fruition.

There will of course have to be both a luxurious master bedroom, a spare room or two, and a third room that will act as a dungeon for all the sadomasochistic play I’ll enjoy, complete with whips, chains, gags, rope, and all manner of toys. Perhaps it should be connected via wall to the master bedroom, too, just for ease of access. Oh, and there will most certainly need to be a room housing guns and swords and other such weaponry. That will need a lock. So will the dungeon.

As for the living room, the kitchen, the bathrooms, I want space. I want to luxuriate and bask in all the space I have. I want half a dozen people to fit in my kitchen without it feeling crowded. I want to host parties with 100 people who don’t feel like a can of sardines. I want all the room I’ve never yet seen to my name.

Right now, that’s what I want. All is subject to change at a moment’s notice, but it would be wise to expect only an expansion of the idea rather than any substantive alterations.

With care,

~ Grigori