“If you could add a new color to the rainbow, what would it be?”

I know next to nothing about color theory. I might have said I know nothing were it not for my baseline understanding that red, yellow, and blue are primary colors, and this video has called even that into question for me recently. I understand there are secondary colors and complementary colors and more, but all my decisions about color are based on instinct. I trust my sense of aesthetics to know when colors don’t make sense together/make sense only in a certain context/make sense only if some other color gets involved. I admit this because I think the best and most thorough answer possible would come from someone well acquainted with color theory. My stated ignorance notwithstanding, the following is my attempt to intellectualize my instincts.

If I were to add a new color to the rainbow, I think onyx would be my top choice. The depth and richness of the darker colors are always diluted in the rainbows I’ve seen, but to see even a shining and smoky version of onyx after a torrential downpour or a heavy misting—it really doesn’t matter—would be an absolute delight. Where would I place it? I have ideas about that, too. The only one that does not involve having to alter the way the human perception of light* works is for it to be placed between indigo and violet. If tinkering with physics** were an option and I figured out how to do it just right, I might have violet come before indigo and put onyx at the bottom instead.

If onyx is my top choice, silver would be my second. Its secondary ranking results solely from a failure on my part to envision it working naturally*** with any sense of aesthetic coherency in the rainbow. Because of this one superior quality, onyx gets top ranking. For silver to work without my feeling it’s somewhere it shouldn’t be, the yellow-green-blue sequence would need rearranging. With silver included, it would become: green-silver-yellow-blue. I would prefer a smoother transition into the blue-indigo-violet sequence, but here I must reiterate my preference for onyx. Both colors are equally enchanting, but onyx has greater utility here and greater natural value, which is to say only that it can be envisioned as an addition to the rainbow with less brute force.

*Just in case it isn’t obvious I: The question necessitates some toying with the perception of light, but this is the only option that doesn’t necessarily involve rearranging the entire spectrum of light (assuming that’s possible) to suit my needs.

**Just in case it isn’t obvious II: The question necessitates some tinkering with physics is already underway.

***Just in case it isn’t obvious III: I’m having to take some liberties with the meaning of “naturally,” since the question itself is founded on what I assume to be an unnatural premise.

****Just in case it isn’t obvious IV: There is no grouping of four asterisks in the above text. Why are you reading this?

With care,

~ Grigori

“What word has all five vowels?”

Oneirocriticaustic: an adjectival portmanteau of “oneirocritica” and “caustic,” its first usage was in forums online featuring correspondence between prominent psychoanalysts such as Dalton Frumbo and Samuel Pochram.

Eunoia: a noun referring to a well mind or beautiful thinking.

Fleurosia: a floral state of Being (à la German philosopher Martin Heidegger), Germanic in meaning* but somehow both French and Greek in origin.

There are many words that fit the single criterion of having all five vowels; this list of three contains just one that can be found in a dictionary.

*German provides us with numerous words describing specific and peculiar phenomena. Instances include Schadenfreude—pleasure at another’s suffering—and Treppenwitz—the pick-up joke remembered only after the moment to use it has passed. German borrowed from other languages to create Fleurosia, but it can be properly understood only through the filter of an ontology like Heidegger’s.

With care,

~ Grigori

“In the beginning was the Word…”

By the end, you will all know so many of my little secrets.

In the spring of 2016, I graduated from a prestigious university with a degree in philosophy. Armed with critical thinking skills, an imagination, and a solid grasp of the English language, I went out, fought off barbarians and oddly-aggressive oysters, and conquered the known world!

What do you mean, you don’t believe me?

I jest, of course—there is no such thing as an oddly-aggressive oyster.

The schooling I enjoyed in order to earn my degree helped me reexamine my biases, my sense of self, the way I approached writing and music, and much more that I’m sure will come out later. What it did not do—what I did not expect it to do—was provide a clear and profitable path for a career outside law. That path is not mine to tread. While I did find employment, and my employer was duly impressed by my credentials, I have not since graduating put to good use what talents I have, what training I received. I intend to remedy that with this site.

Offering absurd questions answers more serious than they would appear to deserve is not the only way to showcase creative writing and philosophical talent, but it’s my way. The more absurd a question is, the greater my opportunity to see how I might make sense of it. The point for now is simply for me to enjoy myself while I make evident what talents I have in pursuit of whatever greater philosophical endeavors may come along.

Stick around! Watch me explore perilous thought-caves so I can dig up and revitalize dead ideas for our mutual amusement! Watch me fall down rabbit holes surely populated by saber-toothed rodents! I’ll make you laugh! Perhaps I just did!

With care,

~ Grigori